But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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