So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
