Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
