Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
