I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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