If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
