From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
