dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she told me i tasted like america
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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