You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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