just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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