Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
