I am spending my child support on dildos
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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