Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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