i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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