I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's blow job season.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize