He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
