I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
