I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
