I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
