he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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