My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
