I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
