Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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