He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
