I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
