question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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