So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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