hotel room ftw
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
