sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
