i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
