I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
