they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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