Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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