I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
