god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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