You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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