I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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