call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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