yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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