she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
this hospital has no fireball
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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