Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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