oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
