I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
