I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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