my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
