Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
