if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
