So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
