i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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