A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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