I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
