you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Randomize
