he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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