There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
where are my eyebrows?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
