wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
