Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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