I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
