and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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