I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
