If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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