Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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