do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is the high leading the old right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
