What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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