Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
