Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize