I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
