I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
