i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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