I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
