It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
