i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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