I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
