So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
