Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
