Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
