dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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