my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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