Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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