You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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