So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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