Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
