I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My pussy is not your playground.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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