Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
