i just made my gag reflex go away.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
