Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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