I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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