I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come share oat with me in your robe
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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